the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
whose parrot is this?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
