I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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