forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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