Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
