Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize