"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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