My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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