There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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