So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
