Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
