Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
