yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
