Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
