DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
