How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize