Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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