he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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