Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i drank out of a bidet.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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