don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
