If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
