Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
