We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
