she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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