shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
