Why are handjobs necessary in class?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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