Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
