So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
the raccoons are back...
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