I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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