He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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