Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize