That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
