Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
