This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
