Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
