i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
