Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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