obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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