My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
