I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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