He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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