Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
