so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
