Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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