High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
