Taylor Swift is so right about you.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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