I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
