We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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