My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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