There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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