she looked like the bat from fern gully.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
the raccoons are back...
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