Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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