I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
