I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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