This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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