you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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