she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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