Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
