we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
