When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
