I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
