the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
