that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize