yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
