Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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