just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I smell stomach acid.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
