Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
